Updated: Mar 30, 2020
Definition of Soul: The spiritual or immaterial part of a human being; An individual manifestation of spirit and mental abilities of a living being including reason, character, emotion, consciousness, memory, perception, thinking, etc
Definition of Ties: To attach or fasten someone or something with a string or similar cord; To restrict or limit someone to a particular situation, occupation, or place.
Let's talk about Soul Ties. Whether you're a religious person or not, soul ties is a theory that can be explained and understood by anyone. This idea that certain actions can connect you to a person on a spiritual and soul level and bond you both in a way that is not easily broken, is typically said to come from sex But for those who may not be familiar with it I wanted to go a little deeper with this because I feel the dynamic of soul ties and its influence over us as women especially, single women is worth exploring and discussing.You can't see soul ties in the physical realm so you may not even be aware that they exist. Isn't it amazing how some of the most powerful and influential things that have the strongest effects over us can't be seen or touched in the physical realm? But it doesn't mean they don't exist. Soul ties are formed in the spiritual realm so let me give you a visual of what this may look like in the spiritual realm.
Imagine a heavy and thick rope attached to your waist and also your neck and the other half is attached to the person you slept with. The more emotions, time and energy spent in the connection determines how thick the rope. Imagine every sexual encounter you've had, whether causal or not, long and short relationships, connections that fed you and those that drained you. Each one of those connections represents a cord tied around your neck and waist. That's a pretty scary image when you think about it; but then imagine how difficult it will be to move, maneuver through life and also connect with someone else with all of those cords around your neck. It can feel like bondage.
For those who desire to be married and to settle down with one person how can you expect to give your all to this person if you’re still tied to so many people from your past? And let’s say you don’t desire to be married, well that just means in my opinion, you extremely value your freedom right? Carrying all that around is in a way; suffocating your freedom also; because you are still carrying the effects of this bondage in your other relationships, rather familial, platonic, romantic or professional. Soul Ties affects us all. Period!
In my opinion, sex is the most powerful transference of energy because its like this tri-dimensional experience, where body, spirit and soul is involved and intertwined with another person's body spirit and soul. When you think about it, that's a powerful connection, even if the intention is for it to be a causal and detached experience. (ex: Sex w/ no strings attached or one night stands) So think about it, when we have sex there are things that happen on an emotional, physical and mental level. First, neurochemical changes occur in both parties' brains that encourage limbic, emotional bonding. So lets say two people decide they want to have causal sex just for fun, maybe a one nighter or a friend with benefits type of arrangement.and even though the intention may be there, these two people are attaching and connecting on another level that they may not be aware of. Sometimes the woman is left more emotionally attached and wanting more because scientifically the woman’s limbic system is larger than the males’. Also, there is this hormone that is released that we all have that is called oxytocin and its released through our brain during sex or other intimate encounters. This can cause attachment and addiction which are two strong vital components of any soul tie dynamic. They are the main ingredients of a soul tie.
People are misinformed and convinced that sex is this one dimensional physical act with no spiritual or emotional connection. Which allows people to be more free with who and when they have it. No one can judge the next person, but women because we are the receivers, we are more grounded in our emotions and we have the bigger limbic system, it affects us more deeply. And let's face it, receiving so many partners starts to affect us on a soul level. It shows up in our relationships because first, we can be with someone and still be thinking or comparing this man to someone from our past and second, we can even start to take on the characters and negative traits of the person that our soul is tied to and carry their offenses everywhere we go. This can affect how we show up in the world.
There's an article i was reading from Moral Revolution and in this article they shared ways that may indicate that you are in a soul tie. Of course there are other ways, but let's start here:
1. You are in a physically, and/or emotionally, and/or spiritually abusive relationship, but you “feel” so attached to them that you refuse to cut off the connection and set boundaries with them.
2. You have left a relationship (maybe long ago), but you think about the other person obsessively (you can’t get them out of your mind).
3. Whenever you do anything – make a decision, have a conversation with someone etc., you “feel” like this person is with you or watching you.
4. When you have sex with someone else (hopefully your husband or wife), you can hardly keep yourself from visualizing the person you have a soul tie with.
5. You take on the negative traits of the person that your soul is tied to and carry their offenses whether or not you actually agree with them.
6. You defend your right to stay in a relationship with the person that your soul is tied to, even though it is negatively effecting or even destroying the important relationships in your life (husband, wife, kids, leaders, etc.)
7. You have simultaneous experiences and/or “moods” as the person your soul is tied to. This can even include sickness, accidents, addictions etc.
And if I may add an 8th one: You are very guarded and closed off to a connection with anyone actually the whole dynamic of dating and relationships is something you don't even visit because you feel all "men ain’t shit" or you don't want to deal with the games that come with them.
If any of these examples resonates with you, you are not alone and there are different ways to break these soul ties that are not serving you in this season. This is different for so many people, but if I may, I would like to share what has worked for me and what is still working.
1. Acknowledging that you have a connection and soul tie that may be unhealthy and not being in denial about it.
We know when a connection is not serving our higher self. The proof is always in the pudding.
For example, if you have a broken arm, you can’t ignore that, eventually you have to acknowledge it so you can tend to it properly and get some medical attention. Trying to use it and pick something else up with that broken arm is just going to cause so much pain and agony. So just acknowledging "okay my arm is broken, it hurts and something is wrong" is the first step towards revealing and healing.
2. Setting Intentions. Being intentional about breaking the soul tie.
You have to want to do the work it takes to break this toxic tie and actually DO the work. How does this look? Its different for everyone but where I started including Forgiveness, Prayer, Affirmations and Release.
Forgive: Forgive the person who you feel has hurt you or caused you pain and ask for forgiveness from anyone you may have caused hurt and pain on whether knowingly or unknowingly.
Pray: "I break all soul ties with (name of person), And cut off all influence from them. I forgive them and forgive myself. I send back to them all that is theirs and reclaim all that is mine…Please reintegrate any part of me that may have been detained through this/these soul ties and restore me to wholeness. I also ask that you will reintegrate any part of the person(s) that has been detained in me, and restore them to wholeness. And it is so and so it is". (In Jesus name or whatever your religion or spirituality calls for you to seal this with) Seal it!
Affirm: "I am free from soul ties" "I am releasing everything and everyone that does not serve my higher good" Put these on your mirror or anywhere you can see it everyday.
Release: Cry! Cry! Cry! Let it out. Every woman should have a tear/crying pillow. Crying is healing and healthy so if you have to cry about it,Cry. It's sad when you want something to work out and it doesn't It's such a disappointment right?. Usually God is protecting us from someone or something that we don't quite understand in the moment so Trust and Surrender is needed during this time. Acknowledge it and release it. its going to be okay! As spiritual beings having a human experience, we all yearn and have a deep desire to be loved, affirmed, heard, and seen whether we want to acknowledge it or just good at hiding it. These things matter and anytime we "feel" these things are not fulfilled, it hurts! So Release the hurt that comes with soul ties so you can heal.
Also be intentional on what you listen to and feed yourself during your time of healing from this. Music is an energy that can affect your mood and emotions. You may have to put away those songs that put you in a sad space and put on some worship music or trap music or smooth jazz. Music that uplifts your spirit or motivate you to get money. Okurrrrrr! You can’t be crying and thinking about a man who hurt you if you listening to Mary Mary, Kierra Sheard, and Kirk Franklin and them. I'm just saying.
3. Start the deep healing
Writing and Journaling is a great way to start deep healing. Writing down your goals, how you're feeling, quotes, scriptures, or whatever that will be therapeutic and empowering for you. Write it down. (Why do you think i started this blog and start writing my first book)
Refocus your attention on life giving things instead of life draining things. This can be different for everyone, it can include going back to school, learning a new skill, traveling, a makeover, learning a language, volunteering, starting a ministry, starting a business, starting a health regimen, quitting an unhealthy habit, starting a healthy habit, or rebuilding your relationships with friends, siblings, your family and most important yourself and God. Doing things that add value to who you are and make you feel confident and worthy is one of the most healing spaces you can be in.
4. Spiritual Baths
Spiritual baths have done miracles for me. Different from regular baths, these baths help you to reset and cleanse your aura and energy fields. This is different for so many people, but for me, I like to add Florida Water, dried herbs, essential oils, bath salt, candles and sage my body and bathroom. I set intentions, pray, affirm and meditate while I soak in the tub. I like to make sure I shower and wash my body before I make my spiritual bath and afterwards I don't dry off. I air dry. Do what's best for you, but just be very intentional about it.
So these may seem drastic to some people but if you want to get over soul ties, you have to be drastic and intentional. I know when i meet the man I’m supposed to grow and build with, I don’t want to bring that to the table. I don’t want to be bound, controlled and attached to other men and vice versa, I don't want him to be tied either. That’s why i say i want to become who i want to attract. Its going to be messy and emotional but it will be worth it. Trust me.
You know you are released from soul ties when you can see or hear about your ex marrying or being with someone else and not feel anything. When you can send love and light to someone you use to date or someone who has hurt you and not feel resentment you know you have healed. Also just remember, they feel it too. Be aware because when praying or affirming to break soul ties, the person you are breaking the tie with will feel the disconnect as well. Don't be surprised if you receive contact from that ex-boyfriend from years ago to randomly reach out to connect after you’ve broken a soul tie with him. It’s not a sign that you need to reconnect. It’s just the effect of them feeling the soul tie disconnect. They are seeking to reestablish what feels normal to them.So if you get that random Facebook message, phone call or text message saying "Hey Big Head" after praying to break a soul tie, don’t fall off your game love, just know that your prayers are powerful and these soul ties are being broken.